A Night on the Tiles

Thanks to DavidT

Way back, the only bar game played was dominoes. No silly stuff like 5-in-a-line. This was serious gambling with 10 Baht per head per game in the kitty and the winner takes all.

If no outright winner you put another 10 Baht in the kitty or slunk away with the price of just one more beer in your wallet and watched TV for the rest of the evening.

Every bar had a worn old Double Six set of 28 dominos and usually of course, one of the skilful barladies won.

About 1996 the game was banned from all bars.

I well remember Mem, the professional who used to circulate many bars and made a fortune.

She was a cheerful, shrewd, middle-aged woman and I never saw her lose no matter how many players were in the game. She always brought her own (unmarked I think) Double Nine set of 55 dominoes with her so that more than a few people could play.

After the ban she was arrested many times for continuing to gamble with dominoes. I asked her once why she still played and thus risked a fine and spending a night in the monkey house.

"Khun David" , she said: "I pay 200 Baht fine police. Each time I win about 1500 Baht from policemen and 350 Baht from the inmates"

 
Toxic alert as London chokes on frying chilli

From The Times see full article

For three hours a mysterious cloud of acrid smoke hovered over some of London’s busiest streets. As shoppers ran coughing and spluttering for cover, police sealed off three roads and evacuated homes and businesses in the heart of Soho, fearing a chemical attack or a dangerous toxic leak.

As the ambulance service sent in its Hazardous Area Response Team Unit, firefighters wearing specialist breathing apparatus entered the deserted streets to seek out the source.

Soon after 7pm on Monday they emerged from the smoke carrying a huge cooking pot containing about 9lb of smouldering dried chillies.

The firefighters had smashed down the door of the Thai Cottage restaurant in D’Arblay Street and seized the extra-hot bird’s eye chillies which had been left dry-frying. They were being prepared as part of a six-month batch of nam prik pao, a super-hot Thai dip to accompany prawn crackers.

Thai staff at the restaurant, who are used to the smell of the sauce being prepared, were baffled initially by the commotion. Chalemchai Tangjariyapoon, the chef, said: I was making a spicy dip with extra-hot chillies that are deliberately burnt. To us it smells like burnt chilli and it is slightly unusual. I can understand why people who weren’t Thai would not know what it was. But it doesn’t smell like chemicals. I’m a bit confused.

Supranee Yodmuang, the waitress on duty, said: The first we knew about it was at about 4.30 in the afternoon when the fire brigade came. They led us out to where the streets had been cordoned off and we waited there for about three hours. When we came back at 7.30pm we saw the door had been smashed and there were fire brigade and police waiting outside.

Beware of a snake in a bottle

Thanks to DavidT

I don't know if this old guy is still around. Rumour is he made a fortune and retired to Nong Kai.

He called in every Pattaya bar with this carboy containing a venomous looking snake.

He wagered if you could place your hand on the carboy and keep it there, he would give you 50 Baht.

Otherwise if you withdrew your hand you had to pay him 20 Baht.

Now, if you put your hand on the jar and the unfed angry snake makes a lunge at you,  it is simply not possible to keep your hand on the jar - it is instinctive to snatch your hand away.

That's where his money came from.

He approached me at my local boozer only once with this trick.

From his second visit he knew I would look into my beer glass and not at my hand on the carboy.

Thanks to DavidT and his website

Chicken or Egg?

Thanks to DavidT

I was talking to Dao. She understands English very well.

I asked her the oldie which came first, the chicken or the egg?

After 3 minutes with a wrinkled brow, she replied...
Up to you

Go Go in Bed Bed

Thanks to Ray

I've been here a few years now, but one of the things that still gets me is how hard it is to tell which girls are going to go-go in the bed-bed as opposed to the bar-bar.

The best night I've ever had in Thailand was in Bangkok a few years ago when I bar-fined a shy girl with a very hot body but a disfigured face. I took her as much out of pity as anything else and wasn't expecting much more than boom-boom bye-bye, but when I got her back to the room it was like opening a fizzy drink bottle that had been given a damn good shaking. Short time quickly turned into long time and then ran into extra time with a penalty shoot-out.

I was reminded of that last night. I bought an ordinary looking girl a drink, as much to stop the others hassling me as anything else. Come time to go home, I thought, she's done the work, she's taken it easy on the lady drinks, we're into bar-fine happy hour, why not? Two hours later and I'm trying to stop her long enough to find out if she can do it like this every night and has she got any relatives up north that need a new house?

The amusing little tricks the girls entertain us with

Thanks to Ray
See more cartoons at www.amuzingthaicartoons.com

In an idle half hour of police imposed good, clean family entertainment, I started making a list of the amusing little tricks the girls entertain us with:

"The good girl"

Doesn't hassle, comes over promptly when you catch her eye, stays on your lap for as long as you are buying her drinks. Endangered species, driven to extinction in many bars by:

"The welcoming committee"

Self appointed group of three or four girls who mercilessly hassle every guy who sets foot in the place. No doubt goes down well with drunken tourists, for whom any attention is a good thing, but very annoying for those of us who live here.

"The three minute hit"

One of the most popular tricks in Pattaya, as a quick scan of the bar reviews will show. Girl comes off stage and chats to her mates until one song before she's due back on and then, and only then, goes and hits on a customer. A free drink if she can pull it off as the guy probably won't wait and if he does he'll probably be snagged by:

"The dog in the manger"

Girl who plonks herself down next to you in spite of your best efforts to wave her away. Makes it impossible to connect with your chosen girl because now there's nowhere for her to sit and anyway you already have a lady. The plan is if you don't choose her you'll have to choose one of her mates, because those are the only girls coming over now she's got you pinned down.

"The more the merrier"

The attractive girl who hits on you while already having a preferred customer on the other side of the bar that she's hoping you haven't noticed. Will return to him in a few minutes anyway whether you buy her a drink or not.

"The pimp"

Girl who returns your smile, comes over to your table, drops her best mate in your lap and walks away.

"The makeweight"

Girl employed by the bar to make it seem as if there are more available girls than there actually are. Magically disappears when not on stage and resolutely ignores all attempts to catch her eye while she is.

Over pink Hello Kitty armbands

From The Register

A new punishment awaits rule-breaking Thai police officers: Hello Kitty armbands.

Unable to control his officers with other disciplinary measures, Colonel Pongpat Chayaphan has said that those caught breaking police rules will be forced to wear a pink armband tagged with Hello Kitty and a pair of hearts.

Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offence, no matter how minor, said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok.

Pongat stopped short of ordering his officers to wear the pink armbands in public. He believes that a day spent in the division office with this "mark of shame" is punishment enough.

We want to make sure that we do not condone small offenses, Pongat said, including littering and arriving late, and he's confident that as he cracks down on such misdemeanors, he'll also curb more serious problems, such as police brutality and abuse of power.

Thanks to DavidT

I was interested to read that the irritating street urchins on Sois 7,8 are still there after all these years.
Not the same ones of many years ago tho' but it runs in the family...

I had this incredibly filthy pair of baseball shoes/trainers, whatever. Five years old and never seen blanco.

I was sitting at a Soi 7 bar, and an urchin with shoe cleaners said he would clean them up for 30 Baht
(a lot of money in those days - average bar fine was 50 Baht). I said no.
Ten minutes later the price was down to 20 Baht. I said no.
Ten minutes later he said Boss, I do free I said OK and handed him a trainer.

Ten minutes later he returned it in pristine condition. I put it on and handed him the other.

He said: 30 Baht

That's one of the best marketing strategies I have ever come across.