Super Busy at Super Girl

I am in the process of reviewing the go-go bars which make up my top ten list. It is almost a year since I drew up my list, and with so many great new clubs like Baccara and Iron Club, and some clubs changing hands, it seemed like it was time to decide which clubs will stay and which ones will get bumped by some of the newer clubs.

I had decided to visit SuperGirl on Soi Diamond, one of my old favourites even if the girls are not so friendly. As I was approaching SuperGirl, a tour group of about 30 Asian men was being herded into the club. I decided this was not a good time to check it out, and thought I would go visit SuperBaby as its surrogate, just across the street. Same owners, same style, haven't been there for a while, it's time I stopped by for another visit.

Super Excuses at Super Baby

I got there about 11:30 pm, and the club was not very busy. About 10 or 11 girls on the centre stage and the shower / bath area at the back was populated by four attractive girls, but no one seemed to notice. There were some very cute girls on stage, some of the hottest on the street, hardly a bad egg amongst them. A couple of 9's a bunch of 8's and the rest better looking than the girls at an average go-go bar. As I sat down, I looked into the eyes of one of the hottest girls in the club, I smiled at her. To my astonishment, she smiled back. I picked myself up off the floor and smiled at her again. She gave me another one of her captivating smiles. I offered to buy her a drink, she didn't respond at first. I repeated my request and she agreed.

This girl was not only hot, she was sweet and friendly too. I had just established that she was a local girl from Chonburi, pale skinned and exquisite, she had worked at SuperBaby for four months and had a 3 year old son. I was just about to enquire whether her magnificent breasts were completely real, when she started to clutch her stomach and say she was hungry. I thought maybe she was going to suggest I bar fine her and we go get something to eat. But no, she indicated she had her own food, and she disappeared to go fill up, leaving her drink almost untouched.

She reappeared just in time to start her dance cycle on stage. I counted the songs, .. 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Ten songs! this is ridiculous! I am not a patient man, but this girl seemed worth waiting for. She had been on stage for over 30 mins. Finally she collected her bikini top, and headed off stage. But she disappeared in the crowd. I was surprised to see she was sitting with some other guys. I waited for a few more minutes, I waved to her to come join me, but she ignored me. I called over the mamasang, and explained the story. She spoke to her and got some story about thinking I didn't want her to sit with me. I protested that I was not going to pay for a lady drink for less than 5 mins of companionship, even with a hot girl, then kept waiting for 40 mins just to be dumped. Without a moments hesitation she pulled the second slip from the bin and told me I didn't have to pay for the lady drink. I paid up and made a hasty exit.

This behaviour is very unusual. There is a kind of agreement that the girl will sit with you till she has finished her drink. To walk away without finishing a drink is a broken promise, that gets go-go dancers and the club a bad name.

Beer is Bt 120 a bottle, no cheap draught beer at SuperBaby. Lady drinks are also Bt 120.

Super Fun at Windmill Club

I walked out into the street, wondering if I should check out SuperGirl on the opposite side of the street, when a very cute girl caught my eye. She had gorgeous long black hair, she was wearing a tight black dress and had the most beautiful long shapely legs. She was striding down Soi Diamond in a determined fashion. I followed behind wondering where she worked. She stopped outside Windmill to talk to one of the welcome staff. As I approached, I realised she was one of the hostesses. I said hello to her. She turned and as she recognised me, threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug. Welcome to Windmill !

I stepped inside, and felt like I was intruding on someone else's orgy. Windmill re-defined raunchy and interactive some years ago, and most other clubs have been trying to catch up ever since. Well tonight Windmill was clearly way out in front again. This was friendly, raunchy and interactive like you have never seen before. Girls were running around in various stages of undress offering various parts of their anatomy to anyone who was in the mood to interact. And tonight everyone was interacting. For most of the time I was there, there were only a few girls on stage. Meanwhile, there were more than 20 girls creating their own kind of fun with guys in various parts of the club. At one point some of the hostesses stripped off and got up on stage to make up the numbers. By the way, the dance cycle at Windmill is only 4 songs.

Windmill doesn't have the hottest girls on the street, but it does have the friendliest, most fun girls you will find just about anywhere. At most other clubs, girls will introduce themselves by holding out their hand. At Windmill, the girls will approach you, pull aside their bra and offer one or both breasts for you to fondle, or else will approach butt first, skirt raised to engage in some rhythmic gyration.

At around 2 am, several western couples wandered in, and sat down. After a few minutes in Windmill, even the stern looking elderly matrons were smiling from ear to ear. Once inside Windmill, all this debauchery seems like the most natural thing in the world. If you're feeling inhibited or a little stressed step inside Windmill for an instant cure!

Windmill has draught beer at Bt 75. The best value for money in town, considering the entertainment! Lady drinks are Bt 120.

Why New Boots & Panties? Well, it was my intention to visit some of the newer Go-Go's in town, or at least new to me, so there would be farm fresh girls to see clad in brand new thigh high leather boots (stop it) and new fresh bikini panties on view, and frankly New Kid's on the Block Tour didn't conjure up the same alluring sexual vision in my fevered mind, albeit if a vision of the late Ian Dury immediately sprang to your mind, I guess that wouldn't exactly score highly on the old woodometer either! It's been a while since I did a tour, but this past week Mrs. Materialsman and Materialsman Junior have been visiting, so once they had departed back to Rayong I needed a night of lusting and perving to get me back to reality(?!?)

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll

Started off with a stroll down the Coconut Bar around 8.00 o'clock as it was still fairly early for the Go-Go's, couldn't believe just how many ladies were advertising their wares on the prom, along with various irons and ladyboys, drug pushers and hustlers off all kinds thronged the pavements, a gentle evening stroll along the promenade must be a real culture shock to the new tourist to Pattaya. Of course, the majority of the Beach Road Freelancers rate fairly highly on the skankometer, but there are one or two pearls to be found amongst the swine, given the proviso that my night vision is not what it once was.

Mr Love Pants

So my first port of call was Secrets Bar on Soi 14, as it was still too early for most Go-Go's. I quite like Secrets as a concept, and I am a regular contributor to their website Forum, though I do consider they charge like a wounded rhinoceros for my favoured bottled Heineken, thus forcing me to drink the draft beer Tiger on my visits here, I don't have a problem paying outrageous prices for a bottled beer in a Go-Go, where there is acres of naked flesh on display, but I feel that in a Coyote style Bar, the pricing in Club Blu or the Honeypot is more to my liking. Talking of Coyote Bars, I clocked a large new Coyote Bar on Walking Street, on the right, near the top end, but I didn't catch the name as I was too busy perving at the Hello Girls outside, but it looked quite smart and definitely on my list for the next tour of duty.

Secrets is what it is, a sort of Cheers style Bar where everyone knows your name and was busy as always, a very successful business concept, perhaps partly, but not singularly due to the ubiquitous and gregarious Manager Larry, though last night I felt the Mamasan was a bit hasty in trying to thrust a girl at me for company, actually before I had even got my first beer, that may be fine for a shy newbie, but I like to take my time and actually select a cutie to sit with me, it's a minor irritation, but I guess it worked, as I felt obliged to buy a lady drink and swap idle where you come from,' 'what's your name' style crap until I could beat a retreat.

You'll See Glimpses

Having escaped the clutches of my Velcro like companion, I headed to the Beach Club, this of course was not part of my original New Boots plan, but hey, this is Pattaya and it is hard to plan anything in this town, often it's better to just go with the flow. I really like the Beach Club, although I seldom look at the dancing girls displaying their freshly shaven havens, not because I am shy or favour the bushy bush look, I actually do prefer a bald or trimmed pussy, it's just that I think this place has some of the most beautiful hostesses in town so my gaze is always diverted to them, plus you can actually sit quite comfortably on the sofas and enjoy the beer without being hassled if that's what you prefer.

After my first bottle of Heineken I purloined both another drink and a pretty hostess, not my first choice, who I have mentioned in previous reports, as she was busy with an oriental gentleman, but pretty enough none the less, and we were soon joined by a real busty, sexy looking hostess with braided hair, who smothered me with kisses whilst berating me for not having spent time with her for four years, she used to be a fuck buddy from her Soi 8 days, and very good at her job she is too, I actually recall that it was a night four years ago, with her and a friend back at my place that finally persuaded me to go for the single girlfriend route, having two gorgeous rampant girls in my bed until 4 a.m. in the morning is not conducive to a life of working in Fun Town, I couldn't handle the pace! I suitably apologized to her, explaining about my four year loyalty to my lovely mia noi, but whoa, I was sorely tempted to re-acquaint myself with her very ample mammaries and fit body! So, I spent a pleasant hour or so in their company, very relaxing in comparison to my last port of call, of course I bought lady drinks and tipped them both when I left, but that's fine because it was my choice.

I did have a look around on my way out, and there was some pretty fine looking girls dancing in actual fact, and although the Bar was fairly busy, it doesn't seem to be popular amongst the locals doing their nightly crawls, no problem with that, all the better for me, a solid 9/10 in my humble opinion!

I Want To Be Straight"

So, back on track for my New Boots tour, and back into Walking Street to the new Iron A Go-Go. This is recently opened and is situated next to the popular Airport (more on that later) and has a similar layout and some smartly dressed Hello girls outside, although they don't really maintain the concept throughout the staff like Airport. As discussed on various forums, the Club is unfortunately named for some London based Brits, Irons being a word associated with gays, in Cocker'nee rhyming slang, iron hoofs = poofs, fortunately there are only women dancing here.

I have read that the layout is not conducive to sitting in comfort, and I have to agree, having been trodden on a couple of times while people passed by, but it makes good use of the limited space and sort of opens out the further back you go near to the now standard Jacuzzi areas where girls were soaping each other and whipping buttocks with gay abandon. It's pretty smart inside the Club, though the quality of dancing girls left a little to be desired, but it is early days and there is time for it to get better, a sprinkling of beauties though, not all farm fresh awkward shufflers, and the Tequila girl was to die for.

I had a girl target me pretty quickly, I put that down to my beautiful new Hawaiian shirt rather than my visage, so I humoured her for a while until she went to dance/shuffle and finished my beer and made my escape, as her conversation was sadly lacking, must have been new to the scene. Can't remember the drink price, I think around 125 Baht for the bottle, reasonable enough for Walking Street, but currently I could only award a 7/10 due to the standard of girls, but I will give it another try next time, I liked the décor.

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 3

Having mentioned Airport above, and being one of my current favourites, I decided that as it was conveniently placed right next door and I wouldn't require the services of Sherpa Tensing and his hardy crew to help me navigate my course that would be the next destination. I have read on Forums that Airport is too loud, too expensive, too small, but f**k me sideways, they are doing something right, and those stewardess uniforms are something else, I love the way they appear to have a sort of colour ranking with the uniforms, from the beautiful blue of the stunning Hello girls and some service girls, there are also white uniforms, red ones, and I even spotted one lady in a black suited get up, very, very sexy in my view, and I am known amongst my peers as an incorrigible pervert of the highest order, with a known predilection for schoolgirl uniforms, but this stewardess concept done Airport Club style blows that right out of the water, even the naked Jacuzzi girls maintain tiny parts of the uniform.

Wotabunch!

The Club was absolutely chockers, virtually standing room only, and I had to make my way back to the Jacuzzi areas before I could squeeze myself onto a stool. If you think being trodden on is a potential hazard in the Iron Club, then you wouldn't like Airport one bit! It was so compressed in there wedged between the wall and the first Jacuzzi, it was almost uncomfortable, but I didn't give a flying f**k, there were so many naked girls squeezing past me that I managed to cop a feel of more naked, tight ass in an hour than a Catholic Priest gets in a lifetime! I feel I have to mention one of the Jacuzzi girls, simply the largest pair of natural tits on a Thai girl I have seen in years.

Everyone was having a riotous time in there, with the exception of one white haired elderly falang woman sat near the second Jacuzzi, who clearly had been dragged into the Club kicking and screaming, and was not shy of letting everyone around her know of her disgust with the whole thing. Now, if your reading this, and you were the total f**kwit responsible for bringing this woman into the Club, go kill yourself in shame, that sort of thing really gets my goat, nothing against white women, I've seen plenty of sexy Russian girls getting off on the Go-Go scene, but keep the miserable, unhappy, sexually repressed pale monsters well clear of me when I am out on the razzle in Fun Town.

Actually, sat right beside me were a right couple of foreign queens, right down to the tight V-neck white T-shirts, and wearing cravats for chrissakes, but even they were having a ball being jumped on by the girls. The girls here last night were just simply awesome, the dancers, the show girls, the service girls, Hello girls and all, if you can just block out the awful, loud car alarm music played in there, it's the hottest joint in town, and I wouldn't hesitate to bring a newbie into here for his first taste of life Pattaya style, I think it would be enough to make him faint, even the Pope would have a ball here right now, I just wish I had more time to be a regular visitor here.

Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick

Another girl on the platform next to the Jacuzzi was rubbing her pussy up rigorously again a chrome pole, there were wet foam truncheons being smacked against naked flesh with reckless abandon, there were gorgeous, skimpy uniform clad girls gyrating on stage, total bacchanalia, if I die, please place my ashes in an urn on the window shelf right here opposite the Jacuzzi's, so I can enjoy the deliciously decadent, debauched scene for all eternity. There is really no other option available to me than to give this place a 10/10 based on last night.

Where's the Party?

Back on track for the New Boots part, I stumbled up Soi Diamond heading towards the Gentlemen's Club just on your left as you enter the narrow part of the Soi. This is not a new club per se, but this was to be my first visit there. First impression upon entering was that it was much smaller than I had imagined, and by the impression given by the website, but what it lost in size it more than made up with the quality of the dancing girls on the night. There were probably only ten girls onstage and as many again scattered around sat with customers, but of very high rating in beauty, I would have to award this place a 9/10 based solely on the girls I saw last night, they looked stunning attired in quality, expensive red lingerie style bikinis. There is also a VIP style room upstairs available for the princely sum of 500 Baht with No Barfine as it proudly states on the displayed notice, but I had no chance to take a look, there seemed to be a party in full swing, I think I recognized the guy holding it, but no names, no pack drill, discretion is the better part of valour*, and I expect the same from people that know me personally when I am out on tour too. Anyway he was having a great time of it swigging away from a bottle of champagne and keeping the girls suitably lubricated, I declined the pig on a spit offered to me, I had started off the evening with a Mutton Masala, which is perhaps not the seasoned monger's meal of choice before setting off on a Walking Street Tour, and it was beginning to rumble merrily away in the pit of my stomach. So I had a couple or three beers here and very much added Gentlemen's Club to my Favourites list for future perambulations.

Handsome

Well, time was closing in on me, as you know I have to earn a crust here to finance my lotus eater lifestyle, so only time to hit one more place before stumps, so again I fell back, or should that be up, on one of my favourites, Heavens Above. Once more it didn't disappoint me, some honey's here as always, they seemed to be having some sort of Daisy Duke thing going amongst the staff, you know the look, tiny denim shorts, check shirts tied at the waist, straw hats etc. and very nice it looked too! I know some of the show girls here have a reputation of bad attitude, but frankly I have never had a problem with any girl from here, maybe through my very persona, I dress reasonably well, I'm not a complete' fugly', and I treat the girls in my company well. Hey, maybe I have become a member of the Heavens Above clique that some guys whisper darkly of, that's an amusing thought, I've always held on to the Groucho Marx mindset towards belonging to clubs and cliques.

Really Glad You Came

Well, I only had time for a couple more bottles in here enjoying both the beauty and bare flesh in display as I had to head off home before I turned back in to a pumpkin, but overall a very enjoyable night out, still an awful lot of stunningly beautiful girls around town, and I only managed to visit a fraction of the Go-Go's available, plus I have never even been to the late night Clubs and Disco's in town, where allegedly the most beautiful girls of Pattaya hang out, Airport is just currently incredible, and Beach Club and Gentlemen's Club run it pretty close right now.

Razzle In My Pocket

Final thoughts from the night? Well, recession, what recession for one? I only selected a few places due to time restraints, but every one of them was either busy or actually heaving with customers, and this is still the Low Season, so don't listen to all the keyboard warrior exponents of doom predicting the end of Pattaya as a fun place to be, a night out here is still one of the Greatest Shows on Earth. I didn't exactly do as I intended to, to see new places, but that's a night out in Pattaya in a nutshell, very hard to make firm plans, maybe next time around!

There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards

*Note to Bill Gates, you may be one of the richest guys in the world, but I am starting to get mighty pissed off with your American English spell check trying to correct my Queen's English!

Wake Up & Make Love With Me

And for tonight's musical interlude, in keeping with New Boots & Panties and in dedication to my' mia noi' who frankly is not at her best in the mornings and soundly sleeps like a dead person, no matter how hard I try to wake her with my fun sized Mars Bar, I swear she could sleep through an earthquake. Wake Up & Make Love With Me by Ian Dury & The Blockheads

Until next time!

Materialsman

Using a condom that is not suited for your penis increases the possibilities of breakage and slippage, which in turn increases the possibility of sexually transmitted infections, or unwanted pregnancies.

In Europe men will be able to print out this measuring tool, and order exactly the size they need. Hopefully, someone will bring these TheyFit condoms to the US.