Why New Boots & Panties? Well, it was my intention to visit some of the newer Go-Go's in town, or at least new to me, so there would be farm fresh girls to see clad in brand new thigh high leather boots (stop it) and new fresh bikini panties on view, and frankly New Kid's on the Block Tour didn't conjure up the same alluring sexual vision in my fevered mind, albeit if a vision of the late Ian Dury immediately sprang to your mind, I guess that wouldn't exactly score highly on the old woodometer either! It's been a while since I did a tour, but this past week Mrs. Materialsman and Materialsman Junior have been visiting, so once they had departed back to Rayong I needed a night of lusting and perving to get me back to reality(?!?)

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll

Started off with a stroll down the Coconut Bar around 8.00 o'clock as it was still fairly early for the Go-Go's, couldn't believe just how many ladies were advertising their wares on the prom, along with various irons and ladyboys, drug pushers and hustlers off all kinds thronged the pavements, a gentle evening stroll along the promenade must be a real culture shock to the new tourist to Pattaya. Of course, the majority of the Beach Road Freelancers rate fairly highly on the skankometer, but there are one or two pearls to be found amongst the swine, given the proviso that my night vision is not what it once was.

Mr Love Pants

So my first port of call was Secrets Bar on Soi 14, as it was still too early for most Go-Go's. I quite like Secrets as a concept, and I am a regular contributor to their website Forum, though I do consider they charge like a wounded rhinoceros for my favoured bottled Heineken, thus forcing me to drink the draft beer Tiger on my visits here, I don't have a problem paying outrageous prices for a bottled beer in a Go-Go, where there is acres of naked flesh on display, but I feel that in a Coyote style Bar, the pricing in Club Blu or the Honeypot is more to my liking. Talking of Coyote Bars, I clocked a large new Coyote Bar on Walking Street, on the right, near the top end, but I didn't catch the name as I was too busy perving at the Hello Girls outside, but it looked quite smart and definitely on my list for the next tour of duty.

Secrets is what it is, a sort of Cheers style Bar where everyone knows your name and was busy as always, a very successful business concept, perhaps partly, but not singularly due to the ubiquitous and gregarious Manager Larry, though last night I felt the Mamasan was a bit hasty in trying to thrust a girl at me for company, actually before I had even got my first beer, that may be fine for a shy newbie, but I like to take my time and actually select a cutie to sit with me, it's a minor irritation, but I guess it worked, as I felt obliged to buy a lady drink and swap idle where you come from,' 'what's your name' style crap until I could beat a retreat.

You'll See Glimpses

Having escaped the clutches of my Velcro like companion, I headed to the Beach Club, this of course was not part of my original New Boots plan, but hey, this is Pattaya and it is hard to plan anything in this town, often it's better to just go with the flow. I really like the Beach Club, although I seldom look at the dancing girls displaying their freshly shaven havens, not because I am shy or favour the bushy bush look, I actually do prefer a bald or trimmed pussy, it's just that I think this place has some of the most beautiful hostesses in town so my gaze is always diverted to them, plus you can actually sit quite comfortably on the sofas and enjoy the beer without being hassled if that's what you prefer.

After my first bottle of Heineken I purloined both another drink and a pretty hostess, not my first choice, who I have mentioned in previous reports, as she was busy with an oriental gentleman, but pretty enough none the less, and we were soon joined by a real busty, sexy looking hostess with braided hair, who smothered me with kisses whilst berating me for not having spent time with her for four years, she used to be a fuck buddy from her Soi 8 days, and very good at her job she is too, I actually recall that it was a night four years ago, with her and a friend back at my place that finally persuaded me to go for the single girlfriend route, having two gorgeous rampant girls in my bed until 4 a.m. in the morning is not conducive to a life of working in Fun Town, I couldn't handle the pace! I suitably apologized to her, explaining about my four year loyalty to my lovely mia noi, but whoa, I was sorely tempted to re-acquaint myself with her very ample mammaries and fit body! So, I spent a pleasant hour or so in their company, very relaxing in comparison to my last port of call, of course I bought lady drinks and tipped them both when I left, but that's fine because it was my choice.

I did have a look around on my way out, and there was some pretty fine looking girls dancing in actual fact, and although the Bar was fairly busy, it doesn't seem to be popular amongst the locals doing their nightly crawls, no problem with that, all the better for me, a solid 9/10 in my humble opinion!

I Want To Be Straight"

So, back on track for my New Boots tour, and back into Walking Street to the new Iron A Go-Go. This is recently opened and is situated next to the popular Airport (more on that later) and has a similar layout and some smartly dressed Hello girls outside, although they don't really maintain the concept throughout the staff like Airport. As discussed on various forums, the Club is unfortunately named for some London based Brits, Irons being a word associated with gays, in Cocker'nee rhyming slang, iron hoofs = poofs, fortunately there are only women dancing here.

I have read that the layout is not conducive to sitting in comfort, and I have to agree, having been trodden on a couple of times while people passed by, but it makes good use of the limited space and sort of opens out the further back you go near to the now standard Jacuzzi areas where girls were soaping each other and whipping buttocks with gay abandon. It's pretty smart inside the Club, though the quality of dancing girls left a little to be desired, but it is early days and there is time for it to get better, a sprinkling of beauties though, not all farm fresh awkward shufflers, and the Tequila girl was to die for.

I had a girl target me pretty quickly, I put that down to my beautiful new Hawaiian shirt rather than my visage, so I humoured her for a while until she went to dance/shuffle and finished my beer and made my escape, as her conversation was sadly lacking, must have been new to the scene. Can't remember the drink price, I think around 125 Baht for the bottle, reasonable enough for Walking Street, but currently I could only award a 7/10 due to the standard of girls, but I will give it another try next time, I liked the décor.

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 3

Having mentioned Airport above, and being one of my current favourites, I decided that as it was conveniently placed right next door and I wouldn't require the services of Sherpa Tensing and his hardy crew to help me navigate my course that would be the next destination. I have read on Forums that Airport is too loud, too expensive, too small, but f**k me sideways, they are doing something right, and those stewardess uniforms are something else, I love the way they appear to have a sort of colour ranking with the uniforms, from the beautiful blue of the stunning Hello girls and some service girls, there are also white uniforms, red ones, and I even spotted one lady in a black suited get up, very, very sexy in my view, and I am known amongst my peers as an incorrigible pervert of the highest order, with a known predilection for schoolgirl uniforms, but this stewardess concept done Airport Club style blows that right out of the water, even the naked Jacuzzi girls maintain tiny parts of the uniform.

Wotabunch!

The Club was absolutely chockers, virtually standing room only, and I had to make my way back to the Jacuzzi areas before I could squeeze myself onto a stool. If you think being trodden on is a potential hazard in the Iron Club, then you wouldn't like Airport one bit! It was so compressed in there wedged between the wall and the first Jacuzzi, it was almost uncomfortable, but I didn't give a flying f**k, there were so many naked girls squeezing past me that I managed to cop a feel of more naked, tight ass in an hour than a Catholic Priest gets in a lifetime! I feel I have to mention one of the Jacuzzi girls, simply the largest pair of natural tits on a Thai girl I have seen in years.

Everyone was having a riotous time in there, with the exception of one white haired elderly falang woman sat near the second Jacuzzi, who clearly had been dragged into the Club kicking and screaming, and was not shy of letting everyone around her know of her disgust with the whole thing. Now, if your reading this, and you were the total f**kwit responsible for bringing this woman into the Club, go kill yourself in shame, that sort of thing really gets my goat, nothing against white women, I've seen plenty of sexy Russian girls getting off on the Go-Go scene, but keep the miserable, unhappy, sexually repressed pale monsters well clear of me when I am out on the razzle in Fun Town.

Actually, sat right beside me were a right couple of foreign queens, right down to the tight V-neck white T-shirts, and wearing cravats for chrissakes, but even they were having a ball being jumped on by the girls. The girls here last night were just simply awesome, the dancers, the show girls, the service girls, Hello girls and all, if you can just block out the awful, loud car alarm music played in there, it's the hottest joint in town, and I wouldn't hesitate to bring a newbie into here for his first taste of life Pattaya style, I think it would be enough to make him faint, even the Pope would have a ball here right now, I just wish I had more time to be a regular visitor here.

Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick

Another girl on the platform next to the Jacuzzi was rubbing her pussy up rigorously again a chrome pole, there were wet foam truncheons being smacked against naked flesh with reckless abandon, there were gorgeous, skimpy uniform clad girls gyrating on stage, total bacchanalia, if I die, please place my ashes in an urn on the window shelf right here opposite the Jacuzzi's, so I can enjoy the deliciously decadent, debauched scene for all eternity. There is really no other option available to me than to give this place a 10/10 based on last night.

Where's the Party?

Back on track for the New Boots part, I stumbled up Soi Diamond heading towards the Gentlemen's Club just on your left as you enter the narrow part of the Soi. This is not a new club per se, but this was to be my first visit there. First impression upon entering was that it was much smaller than I had imagined, and by the impression given by the website, but what it lost in size it more than made up with the quality of the dancing girls on the night. There were probably only ten girls onstage and as many again scattered around sat with customers, but of very high rating in beauty, I would have to award this place a 9/10 based solely on the girls I saw last night, they looked stunning attired in quality, expensive red lingerie style bikinis. There is also a VIP style room upstairs available for the princely sum of 500 Baht with No Barfine as it proudly states on the displayed notice, but I had no chance to take a look, there seemed to be a party in full swing, I think I recognized the guy holding it, but no names, no pack drill, discretion is the better part of valour*, and I expect the same from people that know me personally when I am out on tour too. Anyway he was having a great time of it swigging away from a bottle of champagne and keeping the girls suitably lubricated, I declined the pig on a spit offered to me, I had started off the evening with a Mutton Masala, which is perhaps not the seasoned monger's meal of choice before setting off on a Walking Street Tour, and it was beginning to rumble merrily away in the pit of my stomach. So I had a couple or three beers here and very much added Gentlemen's Club to my Favourites list for future perambulations.

Handsome

Well, time was closing in on me, as you know I have to earn a crust here to finance my lotus eater lifestyle, so only time to hit one more place before stumps, so again I fell back, or should that be up, on one of my favourites, Heavens Above. Once more it didn't disappoint me, some honey's here as always, they seemed to be having some sort of Daisy Duke thing going amongst the staff, you know the look, tiny denim shorts, check shirts tied at the waist, straw hats etc. and very nice it looked too! I know some of the show girls here have a reputation of bad attitude, but frankly I have never had a problem with any girl from here, maybe through my very persona, I dress reasonably well, I'm not a complete' fugly', and I treat the girls in my company well. Hey, maybe I have become a member of the Heavens Above clique that some guys whisper darkly of, that's an amusing thought, I've always held on to the Groucho Marx mindset towards belonging to clubs and cliques.

Really Glad You Came

Well, I only had time for a couple more bottles in here enjoying both the beauty and bare flesh in display as I had to head off home before I turned back in to a pumpkin, but overall a very enjoyable night out, still an awful lot of stunningly beautiful girls around town, and I only managed to visit a fraction of the Go-Go's available, plus I have never even been to the late night Clubs and Disco's in town, where allegedly the most beautiful girls of Pattaya hang out, Airport is just currently incredible, and Beach Club and Gentlemen's Club run it pretty close right now.

Razzle In My Pocket

Final thoughts from the night? Well, recession, what recession for one? I only selected a few places due to time restraints, but every one of them was either busy or actually heaving with customers, and this is still the Low Season, so don't listen to all the keyboard warrior exponents of doom predicting the end of Pattaya as a fun place to be, a night out here is still one of the Greatest Shows on Earth. I didn't exactly do as I intended to, to see new places, but that's a night out in Pattaya in a nutshell, very hard to make firm plans, maybe next time around!

There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards

*Note to Bill Gates, you may be one of the richest guys in the world, but I am starting to get mighty pissed off with your American English spell check trying to correct my Queen's English!

Wake Up & Make Love With Me

And for tonight's musical interlude, in keeping with New Boots & Panties and in dedication to my' mia noi' who frankly is not at her best in the mornings and soundly sleeps like a dead person, no matter how hard I try to wake her with my fun sized Mars Bar, I swear she could sleep through an earthquake. Wake Up & Make Love With Me by Ian Dury & The Blockheads

Until next time!

Materialsman

Using a condom that is not suited for your penis increases the possibilities of breakage and slippage, which in turn increases the possibility of sexually transmitted infections, or unwanted pregnancies.

In Europe men will be able to print out this measuring tool, and order exactly the size they need. Hopefully, someone will bring these TheyFit condoms to the US.

Classroom 2

A mere shadow of its former self

After a long layoff, a visit to Classroom 2 (Soi 2) was in order. It was a mega-disappointment. Formerly operating like Windmill and Baby Dolls, C2 is now tame to say the least. The single lady in the shower was the only nekkid one. Precious few nipples were on display and gone were the naughty girls stage and the table dancing. The most endearing members of the staff were the service ladies.

At one point. my traveling partner and I comprised 2/3 of the entire customer level!

Windmill

Popped into Windmill about midnight, seating was so tight that many of the ladies were occupying the laps of customers; I'm sure to save space. About half of the Windmill staff spend more time nekkid than covered; even the covered are only using two pieces (no knickers). Rather than being the focus of attention, the dancers (mostly topless) are a side-show to the nekkid ladies in every corner. All in all well worth the time; plenty of up close and personal attention by the staff.

Baby Dolls

Baby Dolls continues to enjoy its place among the top tier of Pattaya haunts. The bar has it all and gets it all right! From most naughty to most demure -- even the service staff -- are friendly and attractive. If she sees you without a lady, Mamasan comes over to ensure that all is well. Plenty of action everywhere one looks. If there can be any complaint whatsoever it is that the electrical system seems bit dodgy. On two consecutive visits, the power has failed but within 10 minutes the fault was located and music and a/c restored.

She's Out of My Life

A Last Friday I had a friend fly in from Singapore, as I had to take him to the Ban Amphur at Naklua so I could witness the signing of his divorce papers finally separating him from his money hungry Thai wife, details of which I won't go into, not my business really, but what do you think of a lady that is pleading poverty turning up at the court house in a brand new red plate white Honda Civic Sport and wearing enough gold and diamond jewellery to put a Bronx Rapper to shame, surely not the best advocacy for poverty I have ever seen. So, anyway, a fifteen million baht house signed away and two hundred thousand baht in cash poorer later, in the evening we met up to celebrate his divorce, and also to catch up and shoot the breeze as I have not seen him for six years.

Beat It!

Consequently we met up in Palmers Bar on Soi Pattayaland 2, not because it is a particular favourite of mine, more the fact that it is reasonably hassle free, at least from the ladies, but it is a sign of the economic times that the watch vendors et al, are getting pretty consistent in their sales pitches, and they do not appear to be discouraged by the simple 'miaow khrap' anymore, more difficult to shake off than a bogey stuck to your middle finger!

I have to state that this end of Pattayaland 2 is starting to resemble a ghost town, with both Bubbles and Popcorn currently in darkness the days of enjoying the passing parade appear to be long gone. Finally we ran out of meaningful conversation and it was time to sample a couple of go-go bars, I had decided to take him on a 'hands on' tour, taking in Beach Club, Baby Dolls and Windmill as he hadn't been in Pattaya for a good while.

Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'

Firstly then into Beach Club, stepping through the curtain about 9 p.m. and perhaps because it was a Friday night, quite a reasonable crowd in there. I am not a lover of the table dancing type places, but certainly this place doesn't seem to be on many Board Members nightly perambulations, in fact I did a search for reviews and got pretty much nothing by way of a recent reviews of the place. Now, being a shy sort of chap, I find it hard to look the girls in the ahem, eye so to speak, in this place, and frankly I have never seen much eye candy up on the tables to make it worthwhile, what I have always found however, is that the place has some of the most beautiful and smartly dressed hostesses in Pattaya, and sure enough within about ten minutes we were hit upon by two beauties, one that grabbed me was a real honey, and the one with my friend was gorgeous, slim, sort of back combed hair, loosely modeled on Amy Winehouse, except without the skanky tattoos and heavy drug problem, an assumption confirmed when one of her songs was played on the sound system, that fact in itself must make the Beach Club kind of unique. Yes, I am aware that the hostesses are often just ‘lazy’ dancers or dancers on the ‘rags’ but these two really rocked my boat and I look forward to another visit very soon. We had a good few beers, bought a couple of lady drinks each, and as bar fining wasn’t really on the agenda for the night, kissed our girls good bye, slipped them a couple of hundred baht as a tip, and went on our way.

Gone Too Soon

Next, I decided to introduce him to the banana abusing girls at Baby Dolls, the few times I have brought people into this Bar, they have really enjoyed the place, as have I, but this time something appeared to be missing. This situation probably wasn’t helped by the fact that five minutes after sitting down, a potential police raid or some such had all the naked ‘party girls’ scurrying off the stages to the sanctuary of the dressing room to be replaced with the average Pattaya two step shufflers, so I am afraid we only drank a couple of beers here before moving on without seeing even one banana being mistreated. I know this is not typical of Baby Dolls and I am not discouraged by our misfortune, still a rockin’ place but not during a potential raid by the boys in brown!

Remember the Time

We were planning some more ‘hands on’ interaction next up, but my friend requested we side step to Baby A Go-Go for sentimental reasons, as this was always a favourite of his, and as we were heading up Soi Diamond anyway, I felt this was a reasonable request, particularly as he was footing the bill as reward for my co-signing his papers

Considering this was a Friday night, albeit in a supposed low, low season, I have to admit I have never seen Baby so devoid of customers, shocking to me really, considering the line up of lithe limbed young ‘hotties’ that is the norm for a Bar catering to the discerning Asian gentleman. The line up was pretty reasonable, but they looked fairly bored by the lack of the 4-4-4 customers on this particular evening, and I feel that as much as I like the ‘Japanese’ look of the ladies, being an aficionado of their style of perverted pornography, it didn’t suit some of the girls on stage, I think that sort of curly, back combed hair look only works if the girl has the right facial features. So again we only had a couple of beers in the place, and frankly without the customer base they are famed for, the place is starting to look like a bit of a ‘faded glory’ Bar at present. Still a fairly good line up on stage though, so they are forgiven and I will always go back there.

Bad

So, on to the Windmill Club, a Go-go Bar that I have seen so many recommendations for over the last few months that I was really looking forward to visiting, having not been there for a good couple of years. And lo and behold, just when you are thinking Pattaya is devoid of customers, you enter Windmill, and there they all are, absolutely packed to the rafters, couldn’t get a seat for love nor money, had to perch in front of the DJ booth to the side of the Jacuzzi. 

First impression was that the place was rocking, whilst true, once the smoke haze had cleared I got the impression that it was all a little bit seedy and skanky, I know some people like that sort of thing, quite a few judging by the number of bums on seats, but I don’t really feel comfortable watching skanky girls being eaten out on stage by sweaty fat guys, perhaps I am strange but I prefer a little more decorum when I am out enjoying a cold beer or two. Fair play to the Management though, they are giving the public exactly what they apparently crave, and making a great success of the club, just not one I shall be returning too with great frequency.

Blood on the Bedroom Floor Sunee got your number Sunee knows the game Look what your under It's so insane Since you seduced her How does it feel To know that woman Is out to kill An overnight stand is like takin' a chance It's not about love and romance And now you're gonna get it. Every hot man is out takin' a chance It's not about love and romance And now you do regret it To escape the world I've got to enjoy       that horizontal dance And it seemed that everything was by my side (Right by my side) She seemed sincere       like it was love and true romance And now she's out to get me And I just can't take it Just can't break it Sunee got your number And Sunee ain't your friend Look who took you under With seven inches in Blood is on the bedroom floor Blood is on the sheets Sunee got your number And Sunee says it’s right Sunee got your number How does it feel To know this stranger Is out to kill She got your baby It happened fast If you could only Erase the past An overnight stand is like takin a chances It's not about love and romance And now you're gonna get it Every hot man is out takin' a chance It's not about love and romance And now you do regret it To escape the world     I got to enjoy this horizontal dance And it seemed that everything was by my side (Right by my side) It seemed sincere      like it was love and true romance And now she's out to get me And I just can't take it Just can't break it Sunee got your number And Sunee ain't your friend Look who took you under With seven inches in Blood is on the bedroom floor Blood is on the sheets Sunee got your number You know Sunee says it’s right It was blood on the bedroom floor (blood on the sheets) It was blood on the bedroom floor (blood on the sheets) It was blood on the bedroom floor (blood on the sheets) It was blood on the bedroom floor (blood on the sheets) And I just can't take it The girl won't break it Ooo...

We're Almost There

Luckily I didn’t have to avert my offended eyes for too long, as ‘materialsman’ is currently a working nigger, and the witching hour of midnight was upon me, and I had to flee before I turned back into a pumpkin leaving my now well oiled friend to enjoy the delights the club had to offer.

All in all, not a bad night, and I for certain will be giving the Beach Club another try shortly.

And so for today’s lyrical assignment, and who else could it possibly feature in a week like this than Michael Jackson himself with a paraphrased Blood on the Dancefloor, one of his many ‘poptastic’ tunes, and in this context dedicated to one or two of the girls of Windmill Club, some of whom exactly fit my profile of a Pattaya pyschobitch, tattooed, dead eyed, skanky bitches, you never know the mental state of the girl you are taking home, until it’s too late.

‘Til next time' as the Captain said on Hill Street Blues, “Be careful out there!”

materialsman

Onion News reports of an alarming new study showing that kids who watch pornography expect sex to be enjoyable!

...See video report

Which bar does he work though? that is the question:

Heaven Above
Angelwitch
Paradise
Heaven's Door

Or maybe the massage joint:
Heaven Entertainment Complex

I watch tales of recession daily on news channels throughout the world but there seems a bit of contradiction when it comes to Pattaya night life. To me there seems plenty of customers in the bars and the gogos with Soi 6 and the gogos doing particularly well.

But then there is a second contradiction, numbers seem good but clearly things aren't quite as rosy as pure numbers suggest. There is a significant move towards good promotions and cheaper drinks prices.

I would summise, without having a jot of real evidence, that although numbers are being maintained, many are looking to reducing their spending.

Anyway I thought I would focus last nights drinking on seeing how Pattaya's newest gogos are faring.

I started at First A-GoGo in the middle of Soi 8. Since opening, the bar has reduced its previously top end prices down to more realistic levels and there is also a very good 60 Baht happy hour which runs to 10pm. The bar has recruited a few more girls and they now have half a dozen that are well attractive. Unfortunately they don't seem to be very interested in circulating amongst the earlybird 9pm customers so I wasn't tempted to stay long. The dancing at the early hour was strictly bikini clad.

I then made my way down to Soi Yamato to see how Las Vegas A-GoGo is faring. And they too have reduced their drinks prices with a very reasonable 50 Baht draft (from 75 Baht). Almost opposite to First A-GoGo, Las Vegas have somewhat less than top notch bikini clad dancers but they are very friendly. Hands on and hands in as I like to say. But somehow I was being a bit picky and surely the grass would be greener in my next port of call.

Betty Boum on Soi Pattayaland was the venue. And guess what, the bar has reduced their drinks prices too. But not by quite enough to tempt me. There is no draft beer but bottled beer has been reduced by 10 Baht to 100. There is a 2 for 1 offer on Thai spirits too. There were also a few more dancers in the mid range between First and Las Vegas. The dancers were again bikini clad and seemed generally demure. The bar looks very smart but 100 Baht bottled beer is not really good value for the entertainment.

Next was the newly re-opened Popcorn on Soi Pattayaland 2. Again drinks prices have been reduced with a good priced draft beer. Now this was the first bar of my mini crawl where there has been an improvement in dress code, ie dress not encouraged at all. There was a range of girls so I selected the prettiest and was easily persuaded to stay for a fair few drinks. Amazing what a difference having Cheap drinks AND few clothes AND a pretty girl AND a friendly girl makes. A good improvement for Popcorn then. But the bar is still a little too small scale and I can imagine that if they were a lacking a pretty girl or two then it would warrant only a brief stay.

My last port of call was Utopia A-GoGo at the south end of Walking Street. I was a little worried by a blog report that one of my favourite gogos had closed. The bar was thankfully still running but clearly something is up as they have dispensed with their welcome staff. The bar was pretty much unchanged from before. It is very much modelled on the way Windmill Club works but is not quite so busy (and not quite so consistent). Surely a good place to end an evening.