Well, it's been a while since my last report, and the chance of a free night came up on Boxing Day, so not being one to waste an opportunity I decided the time was right for a little walkabout to see whether the PAD really had decimated Pattaya's High
Season and where better to judge that than a cruise around Walking Street.
I had intended to pop into Club Blu in Soi Buakhao on my way down, but the place looked pretty darn busy, in fact too darn busy for my liking and this was only 8:30
p.m., so I gave it a miss.
I have to say that Soi Buakhao was heaving with humanity, every bar and Restaurant seemed to be busy, and everyone seemed to be having a roaring time, admittedly many were glued to the gogglebox which was showing some
sort of contest consisting of twenty two hairy arsed chaps squabbling over a round ball, and regularly falling to the ground as if shot by Dirty Harry and his .44 Magnum, but generally all was well with the Pattaya High Season World, or at least the Soi
Buakhao part of it.
In the Bleak Midwinter
I cut through Soi Diana and made my way through the crowds on Second Road, and made the decision to pop into Las Vegas A Go-Go situated on Soi Yamato for my first visitation. When this Bar was situated on Soi Post Office it was a regular stop
off place for me and my friends during a good weekend daytime pub crawl, had many a good time there, and bedded some fairly decent girls there over the years, and the owner Peter came up with a classic retort one day that sticks in my mind even now, I
has chastened him for his girls lack of enthusiasm on the dance floor, and he said My girls are here to get fucked, not to dance, and you can't argue with that logic can you? Sadly, the in new place the girls showed a similar lack of enthusiasm,
and I couldn't see even one girl in the worth playing with.
As for the Bar, well it certainly appeared smaller than the original place, although a little bit classier in terms of décor, the old place was fairly basic if my memory serves me
well, I would have loved to have posed the same question to Peter about the dancers, but he was away in the States enjoying a Christmas Break, so I downed my 90 baht bottle of Heineken as quickly as my oesophagus would allow and legged it to the door. I
will give the place another try in the New Year, if only in deference to Peter and his unique style of man (woman) management.
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
And so onwards to Walking Street, but before that of course I feel I must make some comment about Beach Road, or the Coconut Bar as it is affectionately known amongst mongers, I have never seen the place packed with so many Freelancers in all my
time here, one presupposes that the regular ‘crackdowns' on the Beach Road crews have recently become slightly less regular? Frankly, walking the gauntlet last night was fairly imposing, there were girls there of all shapes, sizes, ages and genders,
ranging from sub 40 kilo spinners to 60 kilo plus granny's all searching for Mr. Right, or a least Mr. Alright for the Night. It takes all sorts to make liquorice, as my Father once sagely told me, and he was right enough, and he had never even been to
Pattaya Beach Road of a High Season, some stunners there for sure, along with the ‘fuglies', each to his own I guess, I personally have never indulged in a Coconut Bar Freelancer, but there certainly was some tempting morsels there last night.
special mention must also be made of the impressive Christmas Lighting display at the Beach Road end of the Royal Garden Plaza, during the day it doesn't look much, but once darkness falls, it's lit up, like err, well, a Christmas Tree I suppose!
Continuing my perambulations onwards into Walking Street, passing through the hideous edifice that passes as the new Korean funded Walking Street entrance sign, it was my intention to go to
the Air Port Club , as there are a couple of ‘Greeter' girls there that are to die for, but the whole of that section appeared to be in the grip of a power outage, so I decided to give it a miss and call back in later.
I then made my mind up to visit a place rarely mention in these annals, or indeed any other Pattaya blogs, the Polo Entertainment Lounge . My reason for doing so was I had read a submission from the ubiquitous ‘Dana', most people that have
read any Thailand websites or blogs would probably be aware of his unique insights of life in the Land of Smiles, on Thailand Stories where he had described a night out there, and I made myself a promise to revisit the place in light of his submission.
Bounding enthusiastically up the stairway, and being sure to avoid letting myself get sideswiped into the Galaxy European style clip joint next door, I entered into a packed auditorium and was led to a table close to the stage.
first thing I noticed was that to my surprise it was not completely filled with Asian coach tour parties, yes, they were a presence in there, but I would say it was 50/50 Asian/Caucasian crowd in there on Friday night. I ordered my bottle of Heineken in
the full knowledge that I would be charged like a wounded rhinoceros, after all it is a Show Bar as opposed to a Go-Go Bar, and sure enough it was 120 baht, frankly not too bad after all.
I was joined by a rather comely wench who slid in next to
me, and a drink for the lady was 140 baht, again no more than I had expected, and she was good company for the duration of my stay. The lovely lady in question went by the simplistic moniker of ‘A', 27 years old and from Bangkok, but I got to wondering
whether or not it would be possible to screw your way through the entire alphabet of Thai ladies? You may have some difficulty with a couple of the consonants mind, but it gives a whole new meaning to ‘I'll have four from the top and two from the bottom
please Carol”, doesn't it?
What of the shows I hear you ask? Well, on another Forum yesterday there was a topic about ‘Theme' Go-Go Bars, and to that poster I say, get yourself up to Polo, there are some very pretty indeed girls up there dancing,
and indeed hostessing in the place, plenty of lingerie on display, topless and indeed fully naked shows, and one I saw with a little bit of latex clad pseudo bondage and whipping in it, I was sorely tempted to get up there on stage when they were looking
for volunteers to dish out a little ‘punishment', but my newly acquired best friend was keeping me busily occupied with some social intercourse, so I sadly declined the offer, though I did get my comeuppance when they came off the stage and mingled with
the audience, ouch! I can not say if the shows get a little raunchier later in the evening, but for simple ‘totty' laden entertainment, I would say it is worth a look.
Angels from the Realms of Glory
Well, after exiting Polo, it was back up to the Air Port Club which thankfully had power restored and looking forward to hopefully spending some time with the future Mrs. Materialsman#3, and do you know what, she was on the door looking as
delectable as always, and I bottled it! Like a shy fourteen year old with a schoolboy crush I completely failed to say anything to her as I walked by, my mouth opened and nothing came out, and rather than stand there like a gibbering idiot I walked
straight into the Bar without making contact. In my dreams it certainly hadn't panned out like that, in my mind I, the Alpha male was going to sweep her off her feet and impress her with my rugged good looks and witty repartee.
In reality I was
stuck in the only available space in the Club, well away from the bathtub and Jacuzzi action, and right under a speaker close to the Club entrance, nursing my 120 baht bottle of Heineken and wondering whether I could get one of the other service girls to
pass her a ‘note from a friend' professing my undying love for her. Fortunately Dutch courage in the form of a couple more bottles of the green stuff enabled me to pluck up the courage to get one of the other girls to drag her in for a lady drink.
Regular mongers will be aware of the apparel worn by the service girls here, and the even skimpier uniforms worn by the door girls, two of which, as I mentioned earlier, are to die for, and as it transpired I ended up sitting with both of them for a good
while. I shan't go into details, but the object of my desire was every bit as fun and cute as she has appeared in my dreams and now that contact has been established, I will certainly be returning once the Christmas and New Year Bar Fine wallet gouging
levels are over, so, like a News of the World reporter, after really enjoying the company, I made my excuses and left.
I have no real recollection of the price of lady drinks due to my euphoric state, but my check bin was a few baht short of a
‘non counterfeit' 1000 baht note, money well spent in my honest opinion. I know some of you more hardened mongers out there would chide me for not just paying the bar fine for her and fulfilling my erotic dreams of her, but I'm afraid I am just an old
fashioned romantic at heart, and like to imagine the ‘illusion' of some kind of girlfriend experience rather than just a quick ‘wham bam, thank you mam' session, particularly with girls who, at least in my fervoured imagination exude a little bit more
class. I have always lived by the mantra ‘speculate to accumulate', it doesn't always pay off, but I enjoy the chase so much more than the conquest, I was never really comfortable with the Soi 6, or Body Massage style of ‘dine and dash' entertainment,
although of course I have forced myself to go through with it on many an occasion, purely in the interest of research you'll understand!
Ding Dong Merrily on High
Time was waiting in the wings, and
speaking senseless things, and I was running a little late due to the amount of time spent blissfully in the above Air Port Club , it had been my intention to pay another visit to Baby Dolls , as I had a rip roaring old time in there a few
weeks earlier in the company a couple of French guys on their first trip to Pattaya, and I enjoy nothing more than watching naked young girls do unspeakably inhuman things to the humble banana, but I had also promised myself a visit to Heaven Above
, always one of my favourite Pattaya spots, and one that recently had come in for a little criticism on another Pattaya Forum, so Baby Dolls would have to wait, plus the owner of Heaven Above had promised me a free beer for pointing him
in the right direction for purchasing Beer Lao, so the Cheap Charlie in me kicked in and it was up those familiar steps to Heaven.
Again the Bar was busy, all three of the places I had visited in Walking Street were pretty much standing room only, I think my Heineken was again 120 baht, could have been 110, not really sure, but it doesn't make Polo as outrageously
expensive as I thought it was. I asked for the ‘Boss' in order to introduce myself and claim my free beer, sadly he was unavailable so that option was gone for a Burton!
I did however have a brief chat with the Manager, an affable enough young
Aussie chap, who was desperately trying to sell me on the idea of purchasing a special discount drink card for the minimal sum of 850 Baht, which was guaranteed to eventually save me money on my drinks. Sorry, I'm sure it is a good deal but not one I am
going to go for while out having a good time and in a fairly incapacitated state, seemed a bit like a Time Share sort of deal, and I have nothing to do with them, well not unless it is one of the more attractive girls on Beach and Second Road that
engages me, I prefer to pay upfront for my drinks with the type of vouchers I draw from the ATM's.
As for the eye candy on view, well again recently there has been criticism of the line up, but I have to say I thought there were some stunners on
show, whether or not they have pussies made of gold that pee pure Pinot Noir, and a stuck up attitude to match, I can't really say, they certainly seemed friendly enough to my advances, and when I walked out of the club at around midnight there were
fifteen very attractive hard bodied girls lined up totally buck naked on stage, and more circling the stage, what's wrong with that scenario, I mean what more could you desire? The service staff were attentive, and some comely wenches amongst them too,
the only downside of my time there were the two outbreaks of ‘ping pong' disease, one of my pet hates in the Go-Go's and one which I have remarked on before, so I won't go over old ground, suffice to say I would have had a word in the shell like of the
chap throwing his balls around, but he was a good foot taller than me and a wee bit broader, and I'm six foot tall and 100 kilos, so discretion was the order of the day.
I sincerely hope he had a large bladder to match, as going for a pee in
Heaven's Above can be a considerable challenge to the ‘larger boned' amongst us. I voted with my feet, although in truth it was time for ‘stumps up' anyway. All in all, still one of the top go-go's in Pattaya with some stunning girls, in my humble
Well, it was time for me to stumble off home, as materialsman has to earn a crust doing a proper job, but to recap, Pattaya was as busy as normal during this particular night, at least in the Bars I saw and visited, with many people
milling about on the streets, it could drop off very quickly after next week, we shall see, I will take another trip out early next year.
And of course, to finish with a Seasonal musical interlude, I give you:-
Pattaya Christmas Song
Crickets roasting on an open fire,
Soi dogs nipping at your toes,
Yuletide carols being sung by Ladyboys,
And girls dressed up like Santa's Ho's.
Everybody knows Heineken and Johnny Black,
Help to make the season bright.
Yaa Baa'd babes with their eyes all aglow,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know that Santa's on his way;
He's loaded lots of lube and Viagra on his sleigh.
And every mother's child is going to spy,
To see if fa-langs really know how to fly.
And so I'm
offering this simple phrase,
To mongers, twenty one to ninety-two,
Although its been said many times, many ways,
A very Merry Pattaya Christmas to you
Until next time we meet, Happy New Year to both my readers!